By the age of thirty‑five, she had achieved everything: a PhD, a good spouse, two healthy children, a house in an upscale neighbourhood, a luxury car, and the position of director at a private hospital. One night, she threw a big party for her birthday. After the guests left, she sat in the large, empty hall. She had everything. Then she looked at the bookshelf. Books she had never read. A photo album she hadn’t opened in years. A phone waiting for her mother’s call – but her mother had died three years earlier. Maryam began to cry. Not from sadness, but from bewilderment: “With all this, why do I feel so empty?”
A strange and seemingly contradictory phenomenon occurs in the modern world: people who achieve all the common criteria of success – higher education, a high‑paying job, an elite social position, and piles of material possessions – yet deep inside feel a sense of void, emptiness, and meaninglessness. Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy, called this phenomenon “the emptiness of success” [17]. This bitter paradox is a puzzle rooted deeply in our attitude toward life.
Psychological analysis of this phenomenon reveals three key factors:
First: Focus on external goals.
Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, in self‑determination theory, distinguish between “intrinsic goals” (personal growth, connection, helping others) and “extrinsic goals” (money, fame, beauty) [18]. Their research shows that people who pursue extrinsic goals, despite achieving them, have lower levels of satisfaction and are more prone to depression and anxiety. Money, fame, and social status, however attractive, cannot create lasting peace and satisfaction if they are not in service of meaning and higher values.
Second: Chronic social comparison.
Leon Festinger, the famous theorist, proposed “social comparison theory” [19]. According to this theory, humans inevitably compare themselves to others to evaluate themselves. The problem is that in the age of social media, this comparison is no longer with a neighbour or colleague, but with the “best virtual version” of thousands of strangers. This unequal comparison, even after achieving success, keeps a person in an endless cycle of striving to “be better.” In this cycle, the feeling of “enoughness” never comes.
Third: Lack of authentic connection.
Superficial success often goes hand in hand with the loss of deep human and spiritual connections. Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, placed the “need for belonging and love” right after physiological and safety needs [20]. If this need is not met, no material success can fill its void. Amid piles of possessions and achievements, a person becomes lonely, and this loneliness deepens the existential void.
In spiritual teachings, there is a deep distinction between two concepts: “completion” (tamam) and “perfection” (kamal). “Completion” refers to fulfilling the material and external aspects of life, while “perfection” refers to spiritual and moral growth and transcendence. Morteza Motahhari explains in his book *Fitrat* (Innate Nature) that “human beings have two dimensions: the animal dimension, which is satisfied by eating, sleeping, and reproducing, and the human dimension, which is satisfied by knowing, loving, and worshipping. If the second dimension is not nourished, even if the first is abundantly fed, the person feels hunger and emptiness” [21]. A person may be “complete” materially, have everything, but not have reached “perfection” spiritually.
This feeling of emptiness stems from neglecting the “fitrat” (innate nature). Fitrat is the inner compass that guides a person toward truth, spirituality, and connection with the source of existence. In his later years, Maslow even revised his theory, changing the “need for self‑actualisation” to the “need for self‑transcendence” [24]. He realised that humans need not only self‑actualisation but also to go beyond themselves and connect to something greater.
**How can we tell if we are trapped in hollow success?** The following warning signs are indicators:
– Feeling empty even after achieving big goals
– Not enjoying achievements and immediately thinking of the next goal
– Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling lack
– Losing pleasure in human relationships
– Feeling inner worthlessness and aimlessness
If you see these signs in yourself, know that this is a warning – a warning calling you to rethink your definition of success and to reassess your life path.
To exit this crisis, there are strategies: redefining success based on qualitative criteria, attending to the spiritual dimension through worship and reflection, developing authentic and deep relationships, serving others, and practising gratitude. The feeling of emptiness despite apparent success is not a failure; it is a warning. Perhaps this feeling of void is, in fact, the voice of our innate nature calling us back to our true home.
Core exercise of this subchapter: “The 24‑hour challenge”
For 24 hours, choose one of these two challenges:
**Option A (Fasting from visible success):**
For one day, do not use any sign of your material success. Do not drive your luxury car (use public transport), do not look at your academic degrees, do not use your job titles (if someone asks “What do you do?” say “A human being”). At the end of the day, write: “When I had no labels, how did I feel? Did I see my real self, or did I panic?”
**Option B (Cutting off comparison):**
For 24 hours, do not open any social media and do not talk to anyone about other people’s successes. Every time your mind goes to comparison, write down “comparison.” At the end of the day, count the number of “comparisons.” See how the level of emptiness inside you changes without the food of comparison.
Sensory exercise: Walking among your possessions with eyes closed
Gather all the things you have bought in the past year that you really didn’t need (extra clothes, decorative items, new gadgets) in one room. Close your eyes. Slowly walk among them. Kick them gently with your feet. Without looking, only using touch and hearing. After 5 minutes, write: “What feeling does the physical presence of these objects give me? Heaviness? Lightness? Suffocation? Why?”
For those in a hurry:
Three warning signs of hollow success:
1. After reaching a goal, instead of being happy, you say “what’s next.”
2. You constantly compare yourself to others.
3. You run away from deep relationships.
Immediate solution: Make a “gratitude list” of things that have no price (your friend’s health, your child’s laughter, the sunrise). Look at this list every day and see how many of them you can buy with money. The answer is usually “none.”
For those who want to go deeper:
– Beck, Aaron. (2017). *Psychology of Depression* (Persian translation by Fatemeh Mohammadi). Arjmand Publications. (Chapter 8: Success Depression)
– Deci, Edward & Ryan, Richard. (2019). *Self‑Determination Theory: Intrinsic Motivation and Personal Growth* (Persian translation by Mehdi Hosseini). Ravan Publications. (Chapter 4: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Goals)
– Festinger, Leon. (2016). *Social Comparison Theory* (Persian translation by Isa Jafari). Rushd Publications.
– Motahhari, Morteza. (2013). *Fitrat (Innate Nature)* . Sadra Publications. (Discussion on neglect of innate nature and its consequences)
Open question for this subchapter:
Now you tell me: If you had to give up one of your major life achievements – the one that others are proud of you for – forever, and no one would ever know why, which achievement would you choose? Are you afraid that others might think you “have failed”? Or are you afraid that you yourself might think “my value has decreased”? What is the difference between these two fears?
